Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
