I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
