I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
