I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
