I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
