Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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