He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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