Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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