fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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