wanna go halves on a baby?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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