cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
