He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
