so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it because I queefed?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
