That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
