quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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