Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
