Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
