I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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