Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
