How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
