If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
