I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
