Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
