i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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