Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
