I think I died a long time ago.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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