Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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