I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
