Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
