I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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