he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
