Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
