Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You ruined the universe
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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