new low.... made out with someone while peeing
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
