Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
