You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
