it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
