Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
