Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Someone signed my nipple.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
