you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
ttyl tear gas
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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