i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
