rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
