His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
