You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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