did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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