he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
