So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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