btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
