I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
