He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
