Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
