I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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