Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
