This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
