your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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