Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
