My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
