found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
