I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
pray to the hookup gods
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
