I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
