Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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