It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
should my penis look like a turkey
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
