I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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