just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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