You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
