so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
