So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
