I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And then my night got REAL pukey
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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