Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
