You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
