did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
