just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
