She went from zero to smokin in five shots
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize