I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
