last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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