I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
