You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
