are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
