I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
