note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
