look no pants
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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